I know what all you men are thinking: “Where are ways #1-#138?”

Let’s just say this is a family friendly blog, not a “family making” blog.

Today we’ll cover Way #139: iPhone 4 Wonderment

Step One: Secretly plot to buy your wife a new iPhone 4 (or whatever generation is currently “in” at time of reading this article). Please note this may involve months of saving, and in the event that your wife keeps the books, accruing a stash of cash that she won’t notice*.

[*Refer to Anarchists Guide to Money Laundering for Dummies when necessary.]

Step Two: Make a stop to your fast food joint of choice to acquire a brown paper bag. Please note that you may wish to purchase food substances to ensure realistic grease spots and true-to-life fast food smell. For best results: Choose a night which your wife previously mentions** she wants to cook  a “big dinner.” The adjectives “large,” “fancy,” or “special,” may also be used; when “special” is used, it is suggested that all offspring are “conveniently” removed from the home as this particular surprise may merit merriment not suitable for anyone else but you and your wife.

[**Listening skills required.]

Step Three: Insert activated iPhone 4 into brown paper bag. For best results: Have AT&T activate phone as close to intended delivery as possible so iPhone is “user ready” when she removes it from the bag. This ensures maximum wonderment effect.

Step Four: OPTIONAL – Assume patent-pending “Fast Food Drink Cam Grip” (or simply FFDCG for short) to accurately record the surprise, and yet hide that fact that you’re doing so. Please note that perspiration on cup’s exterior may inhibit recording device’s functionality; it’s best to drain cup of liquid prior to recording.

Step Five: Walk into house casually, faux-surprised at the “big dinner” she’s making and offer her a burger and fries. (Utilizing the FFDCG here only adds to the illusion that you’ve “forgotten” about dinner).

Step Six: Enjoy whatever happens next. Watch my experience below.

PS :: I love you, Jenny Lee. ch: